2016 - IT HAS BEEN SO LONG!

#OFWMoments - #DateNight

Her eyes were sparkling as she came close to me that day. She had on her face the smile that once took my breath away. The same smile that i look forward every time we went out on a date.

It was a plain Friday night. We decided to go out. We planned to meet in a bookstore at a mall. I was earlier than the time, as usual.

Wearing my striped blue and black shirt and jeans. I had my hair with wax, she said I look good with my hair waxed. Maybe she was right, my mom thinks so too.

I was in the bookstore at the self-learn isle. I picked out an interesting book off the shelf then started to scan the pages and read it. "101 Ways to Spoil Your Wife" was the book's title. Although we were not married, it seems as if we actually were. I mean, for the five years in the relationship, I say we have been through some time. I was smiling while reading it. It was very educational and it gave me a lot of ideas on how to show my love for her. It made me look back on the time when we first met.

It was in college. I was a geek, she was the campus crush. We were from different departments, me from the College of Commerce and her form the College of Pharmacy. Two very different worlds, destined to complete each others lives. I didn't know how Cupid found a way for both of us to meet. But one thing is sure, I knew I loved her.

Turning one page after the other, I forgot about the time. It was fifteen minutes late from our date, still no sign of her. I checked my phone but no text message reached me. I didn't mind it because she was always late.

It made me recall the date we had where she was two hours late. She said she was stuck in traffic. So there i was, stuck in a table for two in a restaurant. But when she came in through the doors, my heart stopped and she blew me away. Her presence holds me still and her smile, that particular smile of hers blew me off my feet. She was everything to me. And I don't care if I would be waiting for one hundred years as long as it's her I'm waiting for.

Then my phone rang.

I picked it out from my pocket to answer it.

It was her.

But her voice was breaking. It got me worried why she sounded like that. She was crying and breaking down.

The more I got worried.

She said she had to commute because her car broke down. I offered to pick her up but she declined. She says it's alright for her to commute. I didn't push it. She took the subway from work to the mall.

Then I knew what was wrong.

She said she avoids the subway because she is scared of the dark. She had a traumatic experience before.

I asked her to calm down and breathe slowly. She began to relax. She said that she is closing her eyes now. And that all is noisy. The train stopped and the lights went blinking on and off. Then she again began to breakdown. I told her to relax and convinced her to think of happy thoughts. I told her that I loved her and nothing will happen to her. And that there is no reason to get scared because I'm here. That I will never let anything bad happen to her.

"I will be there.."

Then she calmed down. We spoke on the phone until the trip was over. I went out of the mall running to my car to pick her up from the station. I ran pass the restaurant where we had our first date. First formal date, that is.

I remembered that I saved my weekly allowance for that date. And she was as beautiful as the roses that i gave her that night. Wearing a blue dress and the smile that she flashes like diamonds. Blue roses, these were her favorite flowers. And I gave her a dozen blue roses. She was so happy that night. And during that night, we had our first kiss.

I smiled as I ran. I didn't know it but I was excited to pick her up from the station.

I ran across the road...

.....

.......

I heard her sob before but today was different, it was a hear breaking sob. She held my hand and never let go of it. Her hands were warm and soft. She held it as if I don't have t go somewhere but beside her. It made my heart beat faster as the sobbing continues.

It was during our second year anniversary when she gave me the longest and the sweetest gift. She promised that she will hold my hand for the whole time that we would be together. And yes, she did it. she held it for the whole time. It was her gift. And when i think about i, it makes me smile. She said that she had fun holding my hand for the whole day. And that she will never let go.

She would never let go.

Today was something like that day. Only it lasted for about three days. I was in the hospital for two months. In a coma for five days and in bed for seven weeks. She wasn't beside me when the doctor broke the news.

I had an accident. I was hit by a car and crashed on the concrete pavement. It was complicated to understand with the technical medical language. But the doctor made a strong conclusion. I may never be able to see again. I was silent after that. I didn't know how to respond.

I was nothing.

Then I smiled. It was ironic for me to be in the place where my love dreads, the dark. I wasn't scared. But I was devastated. I could never see the smile that she has, the blue dress that embraces her physique and the happiness painted on her face while holding my hand. It made me cry. It made me sob. It crushed me. I was blind.

...

It's been four years in the dark for me. But I'm not missing anything. I wasn't alone. She did not let go. She was there. and I was there for her. And we already tied up the knot. We would be a family in six weeks. And we are happy.

I can see that she is happy. A kiss sealed this with sense. Her eyes were still sparkling as she came to me everyday. She has on her face the smile that always take my breath away. The same smile that i look forward every time I say "I love you".

#OFWMoments - #Kabit #Lover

For several months, I was my girlfriend's lover. I was her best friend. I loved her. We shared almost everything to the point that keeping secrets was useless. She was my diary, and so was I to her. We were connected to something most people couldn't have. I wouldn't call it love. It was more than that.

For several months, we would go out. We would shop together, buy groceries together or just have coffee. Those were the days that made me special. We would exchange amazing ideas that would fill us with knowledge and the power to look at things in a different way. We were intelligent, cultured people. 

We were connected.

Both of us have gone through something. And we supported each other in whatever way. We lived for each other. We supported each other.

If there is one thing I miss the most, it's our conversations. They were anchored in solid ground of intelligent value, culture and wit. We would text or call and still the connection was there. 

We were one: no more, no less.

We had something strong. But it was wrong. She was in a relationship and I wasn't. We were secret lovers. Only the two of us know of what we have. I was the lover. The secret lover. The second best.

The love was undeniable between us but we know it wasn't right. And someday, we would get hurt. It will hurt so much that going in a relationship would haunt us. I didn't know what came over me But I did not let her choose between me of the right one. I was happy - very happy.

People judged me for what I did but I didn't care. I did not give a damn on what they thought. They didn't give me happiness. She did. The happiness I felt was sky high. I can't describe it. It often makes me smile. It was honest, real - It was love. Holding on to it seemed to be the best thing to do in my life.

But I couldn't lie anymore. Keeping it would kill me. I had to let it out. I had to bring it in front of me.

She left me fore him. She had to let go. And I fell. 

Like I said before, I would get hurt. 

So damn hurt.

i often would catch myself crying about the past that i made. it would still hurt the same way it did. it was my own poison. and it was within me. in my heart.

Weeks went by, but still I couldn't stand up. 

I was left alone from the several months of holding on. 

Waking up to find out that I will never be the right one.

#OFWMoments #Kabit #BrokenHeart